The Wounded Healer
An electronic class by Suriya Osmann © 2004
"If it were not for pain, one would not enjoy the experience of joy. It is pain which helps one to experience joy, for everything is distinguished by its opposite." Aphorisms, Hazrat Inayat Khan
This is a class on wounds and healing. What I mean by wounds are anything that has pained us and continue to cause pain. Sometimes it is difficult to separate physical pain from emotional pain and they are so related that I find, more that 70% of the cases I treat in my clinic are some form of emotional pain that translates into physical illnesses. Most of us want to escape our pain and we find ways and means to dull the pain or remove the pain. I hope in this class we will learn how to deal with our pain and from here , that of others healing ourselves and at the same time becoming healers.
No one escapes being wounded. Most of us survive our wounds but some of our wounds continue to cripple us, we carry the burdens of our wounds around wherever we go. It is by learning and understanding the nature of our wounds and understanding what caused them and healing from them that we learn to then help others. I had understood this when I started treating patients more than 20 years ago. I found that I could empathize with patients a lot when they told me their problems when I could relate to their problems because I had also had the same problems, more so when I had learned to overcome these problems myself . I had also found that while other people went to doctors and healers to get better, it seemed to me that most of the time, I had to find my own answers and my own solutions to heal my own hurts , wounds and illnesses. It seemed to me my path was a difficult one, and I often wondered why I could not have someone to go to who would show me the way and help me heal but it was not meant to be for me, for my path was that of the wounded healer and I had to learn to heal myself and then help others heal themselves.
In the last paragraph of part 2 of volume 4 of the Message Volumes Hazrat Inayat Khan said:
"Consciously or unconsciously. every being is capable of healing himself or others. This instinct is inborn in insects, birds, and beasts, as well as in man. All these find their own medicine and heal themselves and each other in various ways. In ancient days the doctors and healers learned much from animals about the treatment of disease. This shows that natural intuition has manifested in the lower creation as well as in the higher. The scientists of today should not, therefore, claim with pride that they are the inventors of chemical remedies, but should humbly bow their heads in prayer, seeing that each atom of this universe, conscious of its sickness, procures for itself from within or without a means for its restoration. In other words, medicines were not discovered by physicians, but were intuitively found in creation as the necessity for them arose."
These words have served to comfort me and have let me understand why I am more and more conscious of what to take and what to do to heal myself .As my instincts and senses develop more , and I learned to trust the thoughts that flash through my mind and act upon them, I find myself more and more able to help others heal themselves.
Much of what I know about illnesses and diseases and wounds come from my teachers. One of my homeopathy teachers Rajan Sankaran says that disease is a delusion and, my teacher Himayat echoed what I learned from Sankaran when he talks about us losing our essential state from the initial wounding that we get and here I would like to trace the anatomy of such a wound.
When we are children and we have a perspective of something, it changes when we experience something that frightens us. Children are much more vulnerable than adults and have less resources to deal with the traumatic situations they find themselves to be in and, it is usually the first time that something happens to them that they learn about a situation that had the potential to cause unpleasant things to happen and from the first incident they learn to associate the situation with the unpleasant emotion. I remember when I first saw my baby sister and was full of wonderment and pleasure at this little human being and my joy changed in one instance to fear when I picked her up and my mother screamed at me , afraid that I would drop her and of course I immediately dropped my sister, luckily for her, onto the bed. I think at that point in time , my feelings about my baby sister had changed and there was no more joy in seeing her, she now was associated with fear , fear of my mother's anger, it was perhaps also the realization that I was no longer the center of the universe for the adults around me. It was the beginning of a wound I carried into my adult life. That the situation is unpleasant is by association , and that association is in itself not true, and thus, a delusion. What was real was my joy , the essential state I was in before my emotions became traumatized and transformed into fear. That fear was a real fear because it was brought on by my mother's reaction to my carrying my sister, what then becomes a delusion is my associating my spontaneous act of carrying my sister, done out of love , with fear.
Before we go any further, I would like for us to do an exercise here.
Start focusing on the breath and observe the breath until it becomes regular and heartbeat slows and the heart space starts to expand as in the breath lessons Himayat taught last month.
Then when you are centered in the heart space, recall a childhood trauma that you remember. Try to relive the experience and observe how your body reacts to the memory. Different people react differently so be present to all of your body as you remember the incident. You may focus on each part of your body and note the sensations there to see where you react to the memory. Focus on the head. The neck, the chest and breathing, the back, the stomach the pelvis, the arms and the thighs and knees, right down to the feet, notice any discomfort , any sense of constriction and tightness you find anywhere and note them down.
Please share what you experience in the class , God willing it will help us to understand how childhood trauma may still be affecting how we act and , help us to heal from it.
Part 2
Love is itself its own medicine
Love all its own wounds heals.
No one can ever imagine,
pain that lover's heart feels. - Hazrat Inayat Khan, Nirtan (Love)
Emotions come in pairs. This is what I have observed and learned through the writings of others and in my studies on homeopathy and healing. There is a psychiatric condition that also suggests this polarity, manic depressive or bipolar as it is sometimes shortened into.
Here are some of the basic emotions and their poles:
Joy/sadness
Excitement/Fear
Love/Anger
This polarity is often seen in relationships. Have we ever wondered why the person we love most is also the person we are most likely to be angry with? One emotion masks the other and it is only by getting to the bottom of one that we find the other lying underneath and being masked by it.
Excitement can turn to anxiety which is a part of fear, love can turn to hate which is a part of anger, and joy is frequently masked by sadness.
By understanding these emotions in ourselves, we can learn also to let ourselves experience the amplitude of the emotion, removing the rigid structures we have over the years built to protect ourselves from pain but themselves prevent us from experiencing the essential states of Joy, Love and Enthusiasm ( excitement).
As Healers, it is important for us to be able to see the potential for love in the angry person and the potential for joy in the depressed person and help the person get there.
Here is a prayer of the Prophet Muhammad that reminds me about the practice of Presence:
My Lord God,
Protect me from regret over the past and anxiety over the future
(Allhumma inni, Auzubika minal Hammi Wal Hazan)- Prayer of Prophet Muhammad (PBUH)
Regret over the past and anxiety over the future are the basic states that prevent us from experiencing the present moment which is the key to a spiritual outlook in life and also the key to a fluidity of emotions that adults seldom experience but that we can observe in children playing. Next time you see children playing at a playground , take the time to observe the fluidity of their emotions.
And now we will do another practice , taking it one step further than in the previous practice to see if we can unmask our emotions.
Take yourself to the heart space by focusing on the chest while observing your breath. This should come much more easily now because of doing the previous lessons on breath. If not then simply watch your breathing and then , when you feel yourself able to focus within, bring into your mind the memory of an incident that has hurt you in the past. Observe how your body reacts to this memory by scanning your \body , your thoughts and emotions as in the previous exercise we did. Be present to your body and all that it is experiencing and remain observing your breath. Stay in this manner until your have undergone the whole amplitude of changes that happens when we do this practice. Stay with each sensation for as long as you can without trying to rid yourself of the pain and without resisting what is happening, just allow without judgement as if you are an observer yet watching yourself. . What is the final outcome of this practice?
Share with us your practice that we may learn to understand how this practice has unmasked the hurt feelings we started out with.
Some additional notes:
Kathleen has so generously shared with us her practice which seems to me is a response to my second part rather than the first part which is why I have chosen to include my response to her post her in my second part.
Kathleen wrote:
"As you suggested, I began with the approach taught by Himayat. I was first present to my breath. I felt my breath going behind the sternum. I was aware of the sensation which comes when I breathe on the ember of my heart. I felt my mind descend into my heart. I was looking through the eye of the heart. I allowed my heart to inform me as to how to proceed. I allowed my heart to guide me as to what wound to attend to with my presence. Once this became clear I found that an experience unfolded for me. Many memories, emotions, followed. I allowed my presence to be called to different parts of my physical body to be informed. In particular I noted a pain in the upper right part of my head. I spent quite a time being present to this pain. I found myself in the position of resisting much of what was taking place. I allowed the resistance to be. It was as though I wanted the resistance itself to inform me. I realized I was resisting thoughts. As I allowed the thoughts to come, the pain in my head vanished. I felt relief. This pain returned several times during this process of being present. Each time I would return my presence to the area and through time feel a release and relief. I noticed a great deal of physical release was taking place through my hands and my feet. I had releases in the emotional, mental, and physical domain. In the moral domain, I was informed in amazing ways. I reminded myself over and over to continue to be present within the domain of the heart. I was present to my breath aware of it caressing me within behind the sternum. I concluded the practice in this way: being present to my breath and in the domain of the heart. I opened my eyes into this present reality. "
What Kathleen wrote is a wonderful description of a practice of examining our wounds in a manner that causes the light of the heart to be cast over the wound and banish what is not real . When she described the process of pain, relief and pain and relief and pain and relief again we understand that there are many layers to the pain and the memory and each wave is a layer of it. People who do energy work are aware that there are tissues which carry the memory of our pain and , energy work releases the trapped energy thus allowing the wounds to heal.
Here are some notes from a previous class presented by Himayat that details again the process that Kathleen described.
Hopefully a clearer picture of how to do the practice will emerge:
"Breath into the heart,. Experience the radical transformation of identity,. Now from this perspective ( rooted in a vaster ground of being ) be present:
Part 3
Thank you Marie for your feedback. I note that you noticed a pattern in your emotions and what happened to you on this occasion that you processed in your heart space by being present to the feelings. You then remembered all the previous hurts that were similar and even understood how it all began. This is the beauty of the practice of presence. When we are present to our hurts we illuminate our emotions and we also understand the * re * actions that we find ourselves *re* acting. Over and over again we go,* re* (e) inforcing our ( false) beliefs about how things are, not understanding that it is we ourselves who have a view that is entirely our own and may not be real.
So now we are ready to become the Wounded Healer , the one who can see the what lies behind the wounded wounding words uttered by a person who is experiencing the * re* actions and the pain that started in their lives from their original wounds. We can transform now into non judgmental healers who do not see a person to judge but a person to be healed , who do not see cruelty and violence as an evil in themselves but * dis* eases to be healed although the healing may be more complicated than we can undertake on our own.
We are now on the verge of understanding that how we feel may not be what really is and we are on the verge of being able to *diss* asociate ourselves from our selves. Our historical self is not our real self no matter how much we identify with it.
How did I start to become a healer ?One of the first things I began to notice was a been there done that feeling when I come across my client's problems. This is empathy which is not the same as sympathy.
Definition of empathy.
Pronunciation: (em'pu-thE), [key] –n. 1. the intellectual identification with or vicarious experiencing of the feelings, thoughts, or attitudes of another. 2. the imaginative ascribing to an object, as a natural object or work of art, feelings or attitudes present in oneself: By means of empathy, a great painting becomes a mirror of the self.
Empathy is manifested in the healer by listening with presence. The simplicity of listening with presence and the healing that this brings is beyond our ordinary understanding and can only be demonstrated by an exercise which you can do now .
I ask now that you practice being present to nature. It may be a plant , an animal or a whole garden, any natural subject that you can focus on and be present to .Focus on your chosen subject and adjust yourself to the rhythm and the mood of your subject. I leave it to you to do this. Most of us are sensitive enough to sense the rhythm of a subject we chose and you can share what you do in this class . Spend a few minutes adjusting yourself to the rhythm of the subject you have chosen and then ask a few questions addressing them to the subject of your choice My suggestions for questions are: What would you like to tell me? How may I be of help to you? If it is a plant, you can exercise exchanging breaths with the plant. Note that plants breath in carbon dioxide and breath out oxygen while you breath out carbon dioxide and breath in oxygen. Noting your interdependence with the plant and with all of life is a very healing exercise and I hope that you will share this with the class after doing the exercise. Any insights and realizations you get from this exercise will take us one step further to healing other human beings .
Part 4
Love itself is the healing power and the remedy for all pain. - Hazrat Inayat Khan Bowl of Saki
We have come to the point of understanding the nature of our wounds and how we are wounded, whether or not we understand what caused the wound. We have sat with our own pain, emotional physical, mental. We may explore our spiritual body and our moral body to find out our relationship with God , and other beings, our separation or our connectedness.
We now look with compassionate eyes at suffering humanity, including and encompassing ourselves. Understanding the nature of our wounds, understanding the nature of all wounds, understanding anger, fear and anxiety are we ready to stand aside and let love heal?
Non judgmental non analytical non manipulative can we now sit with the wounded and bring to them the healing inherent in ourselves as channels of God's healing and as mirrors of the person we wish to help.?
I found myself a healer before I learned any technique or was taught how to do it. One morning during a busy clinic day, I was addressing a man and discussing with him his treatment . I found my heart expanding and creating a space within, preparing itself for something. I was startled and wondered why because I could not see any situation that warranted such an expansion. I was not feeling sad myself , nor was I upset in any way, the situations that may have brought about such an expansion. Neither was I doing any practices, since I was busy attending to my patients. The man walked out of my room and in walked the next patient. I saw two angry parents and a crying teenage girl. The girl was my next patient and the minute I saw her I knew, it was for her that my heart had gotten ready for. The living heart knows more than the conscious mind. I quietly listened to the angry parents telling of their child escapade. She was at a boarding school, had gone on an outing and returned one day late. A teacher had called the parents and said to them the girl had been up to no good, accusing her of being immodest, a serious accusation in a conservative society . I sent the parents out and listened to the girl. I let her tell her story , felt her hurt and pain , and saw her healing from her pain by my mere listening. I brought to the meeting my heart with its presence and the girl brought to the meeting her pain and with this there was the third presence, The Healing Presence! Ya Shafee! Ya Kafee! Explanations and discussions followed and I did all that I knew how to at that time to heal the situation.
Healing by Presence
There is warmth in fire, and there is a greater warmth in feeling. The presence of a person with warm feelings can create an atmosphere of warmth, and the presence of the cold-hearted can freeze one. No doubt warmth of heart is not the only quality the healer needs, he must have the power to heal, besides concentration and a desire to heal. But at the same time it is the name of Christ that is know as that of the Messiah. Messiah in the East means healer, and for a Messiah the power of love is the first quality, love in the form of sympathy. One sympathizes with
another, thinking perhaps, 'He is my relation, friend, or acquaintance', but when sympathy develops to its fullest extent one begins to see in everybody 'I', 'myself', and the pain of everybody one begins to feel as one's own pain.
This is a sign of a true Messiah. How can he heal the wounds of the hearts of the children of the earth and relieve them from pains and sufferings, since life is full of them, when his sympathy is not awakened to such a degree that he feels the pain of another even before feeling his own pain? Every healer who has a spiritual aspiration must develop a spark of the fire of the heart of the Messiah; and then even before trying to heal a person his very presence will heal. When a child is ill the mother approaches it with the wish that it may be well, with a pain in her heart for the suffering of her child. From that moment she becomes a healer, her touch, her word, and her glance do more than medicine or any other remedy. When this mother quality is developed in the heart of the healer, then, when he heals not for any return except the happiness of seeing a soul released from pain, he becomes a healer who can heal merely by his presence. - The Message Volumes of Hazrat Inayat Khan, Volume IV, Part II
How does one awaken in oneself the quality of the healer, the Empath? I hardly know how to answer this question because for me it came by itself from doing practices, saying my 5 daily prayers and doing my zikr. The one practice that sensitized my heart was the exercise we did earlier with Himayat in the previous lesson on Breath that we did last month.
The exercise we did to understand nature sensitizes us to listen to the language of the heart and prepares us to be healer who bring Presence into their lives.
I have no exercises for you this time but invite you to share with the group your moments of healing others who came to you with their hurts and where you acted as a healing presence by listening.
A good resource on Presence is a previous e-class by Jalil Beuchel.
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February 24, 2004
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